I spent an afternoon infiltrating hotel pools in the Richmond airport-hotel district. My method was straight out of Infiltration zine: Carrying a classy oversize shopping bag (instead of a backpack), I rode the elevator up to the room levels and borrowed a towel from a housekeeping cart, which I threw over my shoulder. I removed my pants and sandals in a stairwell -- it's OK, I was wearing swim shorts underneath. Then I found the pool/fitness room, and waited outside the cardlocked door, sending fake flustered text messages like someone who has forgotten his key in his room, till someone went in or came out. No more than four minutes of patience required.

The Westin Wall Centre, pictured on the right, supplied towels (that's OK; I brought my own) and little else. Lockers in the change room needed real locks, though there were signs telling you how to operate the nonexistent electronic lock system. The pool was small and crowded. The hot tub was hot. Overpriced poolside dining available between 11 a.m. and 5 p.m., at a $3.75 delivery charge plus 16% gratuity, charged to your room. It was 4:58, and I didn't have a room, so I passed. The fitness centre looked alright. 1.5 stars.

The pool at the Radisson, pictured left, near Aberdeen skytrain, was even less illustrious. They were out of towels (that's OK; I brought my own), or had never stocked any. Lockers were coin-operated but half of them were jammed. There were standing pools of water in the change area. The hot tub was tepid. The pool water was cloudy. The fitness centre looked neglected, and had twangy Chinese music being piped in. Shame, Radisson. 0.5 stars.